Metal Family Season 2 Episode 3

[ORIGINAL VIDEO]
[SUBBED VIDEO] by heavibear (@ratibear on Instagram)

Alina: Attention! This warning is here for a reason. Get your kids the hell away from the screen. Or leave them, but at your own risk.

Season 2 Episode 3: WHO ARE THOSE FREAKS ON STAGE

Ches: Fuck, we missed the turn again!
Lordy: We haven't reached it yet.
Ches: You're supposed to turn here!
Lordy: Not here, dumbass!
Ches: This is where you were supposed to turn!
Lordy: Get your fingers off it!
Ches: Fine, do this shit yourself! Glam, what are you writing there?
Glam: Just something for history.
Ches: Make sure you write about how we were late for the third concert because our driver kept missing the fucking turn.
Bob: Watch it, or you're walking.
Ches: It'll probably be faster that way.
Lordy: Shut up!

Glam: "September 4th. My life's changing with each passing day. Our concerts are getting better and better, there are more people, and the venues are looking more solid. Our manager, however, thinks there's still not enough income to rent everyone a separate hotel room." And this is my territory!
Ches: If you say so.
Glam: You did that on purpose!
Ches: I just took my sock off!
Glam: Get up and put that away!
Ches: Fine...
Glam: "So we're splitting two rooms between the four of us. At least we have an almost unlimited choice of clothing and jewelry. But I still can't get those beautiful ear hoops. Mikey says they don't sell them in this town. Weird, I thought I saw them in a salon somewhere. Tonight we're opening for a very popular band."
Ches: Glam, you coming?
Glam: Just a minute. "Ches thinks it's going to go well. I don't. I know it will."

The boys: Freaks!
Girl: You're so sexy!
Bob: You haven't seen the right one yet. Oh, that is the right one.
Lordy: Hey, Bob. Do you notice anything weird about our Paganini?
Bob: Well, he's just sitting there.
Lordy: He's sitting there, blowing off every chick who comes up to him. What if he's, like, "different", you know?
Bob: What?

Man: Are you the one they call "Ches"?
Ches: All right, who let you in?
Man: My name is Paul. I'm interested in working with you and your friend Glam.
Ches: Dude, our band's already got a manager.
Paul: I'm not interested in the band. I'm interested in you two.
Ches: Look, just talk to our manager, not me, okay?
Paul: Your manager doesn't allow you to reach your true potential.
Ches: Oh, yeah? Where the hell did you get that from?
Paul: Because it wasn't you who made him manager, was it? Think about it.

[Text on the notepad: Wish list: glasses, gloves, cape, guitar, boots, shirt, tank top, rack, picks. Income, expenses.]
Mikey: Well, guys, congratulations, the last concert was sensational. Your pay will be doubled.
The boys: All right! Yes!
Mikey: It'd be nice if you recorded some more lyrical love songs.
Ches: Lyrical? Love songs? What do you mean?
Mikey: Like the last song, for example...
Ches: The last song was "Smell Like Cherry." Dude, you thought it was a love song? Come on, now! It's a song about food. Donuts, to be exact.
Mikey: But the lyrics say: "Searching for the girl."
Ches: Well, yeah, a donut's just like a girl.
Bob: Donut's a masculine word, idiot.
Ches: But it looks like a girl!
Mikey: "I'll make you marry me..."
Ches: Don't tell me you never wanted to marry a donut! Fuck you, guys.
Mikey: In any case, those are the kind of songs people want.
Ches: I don't care what they want. What’s important is that writing songs gives me a rush.
Mikey: Ches, let's be real. As your manager, I'm interested in making sure the band's profitable, whether you like what you play or not. And the only way you're gonna be profitable is if you have more fans. And groupies. And for that to happen, you'll need to have more lyrical love songs.
Ches: Love songs aren't really for me...
Mikey: Ches, "me, my, I." Why don't you try saying "we" for once?
Lordy: I don't mind love songs.
Bob: Me neither.
Ches: I guess we could write a couple of songs on the subject. For promotion. But only for promotion! Afterwards, I'd like us to play something that’ll satisfy us. All of us.
Mikey: Yes, absolutely! When you get popular, you can go back to making songs like "ruptured gallbladder," "there grows the pine," and "festering papules"... By the way, I looked it up in a medical handbook. Terrifying.
Ches: "Pathologist." A classic.
Mikey: But you should write and rehearse at least one love song this week, because on October 13th you're opening for Twisted Sister.
Lordy: No way! Really?!
Glam: Did you know about this?!
Ches: Of course not, I didn't know shit!
Mikey: Yeah, they reviewed a couple dozen bands and chose you personally.
Ches: God, that's so cool!
Mikey: Yeah. And one last thing. About your addiction.
Ches: What addiction?
Mikey: I'm talking about the white powder under your nose. It's time to quit.
Ches: What are you talking about?! What am I, some kind of junkie?!
Glam: Ches, he's right.
Ches: He ain't fucking right! How does that affect songwriting, rehearsals, concerts?
Mikey: Believe me, it will.
Ches: It's not gonna affect me, okay? I'm not like that.
Mikey: You know how many times I've heard that?
Ches: How many?! How many times have you met people like me, huh?! Who among the people you've heard it from could do even a fraction of what I can do?! That's right. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write some "love songs" for the Twisted Sister's opening act. Damn, it's gonna be awesome.
Mikey: Glam, this is serious. Can you talk to him in private?

Ches: House, house. How do you spell "house"? Shit.
Glam: Ches?
Ches: Oh, Glam, good timing! Listen, I need you to help me write down this address. I'm kind of wasted.
Glam: Okay, what’s the address?
Ches: There. Copy it from that envelope.
Glam: Who's this "Har... var..."
Ches: That's my mother.
Glam: Oh, I see. Do you need help with the letter itself?
Ches: I've already written the letter.
Glam: Aren't you worried they'll get taken out?
Ches: I am. But what else am I supposed to do? I can't just drop everything and go there. Listen, do something for me. Take the envelope to the post office.
Glam: Okay, I will. By the way, could you do something for me, too?
Ches: Something illegal, I hope?
Glam: Ha, no. I want you to stop doing drugs.
Ches: Dude, I stopped already. I just wanted to relax after the concert.
Glam: Then at 9:00 on Wednesday, you'll be at the rehearsal.
Ches: Sober as a judge. Don't worry.
Glam: Okay.
Ches: Well, then, since I'm relaxing...

Lordy: Bob, stop it!
Bob: It calms me down. Fucking tired of waiting.
Ches: Here's where I went before, or maybe not. Two steps forward, three to the left. Why is the floor sinking? Oh, this door's familiar. Let's see. Oh, I know you, I know you, I remember you.
Bob: Holy shit, he's high off his ass.
Ches: Here, let me hand it out. Been writing all day. This is for you, Lordy. This is for you, Lordy. Who else needs one? Oh, Lordy! Why didn't you say something? What, are you scared?
Bob: 18 rhythm changes...in two bars?
Lordy: What the hell is this?! It's a total mess!
Ches: That's because love is a mess, buddy! Where's my guitar? I lost it somewhere.
Lordy: This doesn't even look like music. How are we supposed to play this?
Ches: Let me show you how to play it. That's what I’m here for, right? Huh, huh? We'll start in dum-dum major! I...like you! Because you…and I…are like one contemplation of a deity! And I really like... Well, why aren't you playing along? When my dick's in your snatch!
Lordy: I've had enough! Great fucking rehearsal, Ches.
Bob: Get a hold of yourself, you junkie. You’re a freaking eyesore.
Ches: Fine! Go ahead, then! Get the fuck out of here! "And if you don’t like it, the exit’s there!" Right, Glam?
Glam: You promised you'd stop using.
Ches: Why does it matter? Does it really affect the song schedule or the rehearsal writing?
Glam: Obviously it does. We were gonna perform on the same stage as Twisted Sister. Did you forget?
Ches: Ah, Twisted Sister. Did you know they sang about love? Love is for suckers! I see... Where are you going?! All right, go, go, follow the ceiling! It's molded…like a bombardier!

Glam: October 10th. We only have one more day to rehearse. Tomorrow we're leaving for another city, where we're supposed to perform on the same stage as Twisted Sister. But Ches ruined all our plans. He has no excuses. I don't know if I can forgive him. His actions lead to—
Ches: Why are you sitting in the dark? Ah, they still haven't changed the light bulb. Must be "too expensive." Look what I found. He said they didn't sell them in town. What a cheapskate. Glam, I really screwed up. I fucking ruined all our plans. I have no excuses. I don't know if you can forgive me, because it's too late to...change anything.
Glam: It's not too late. I've finalized one of the songs we wrote together.
Ches: "The Light"? You mean that one?
Glam: Yes.
Ches: Let me see that. I've already forgotten what it was about.
Glam: Only after you do something.
Ches: I-I... Yes, yes! No drugs, no pills.
Glam: Words won't be enough this time.
Ches: You're right. Fucking powder. Goddammit, it won't fucking flush! Glam, get a rag, hurry! Give it to me.
Glam: Here you go.
Ches: Oh, fuck. I'll put it on my side of the room, don't worry. Okay. Let's see what's up with the song.
Lordy: Whatever. Screw Ches. Glam’s never missed breakfast.
Glam: Damn, are you sure this is right?
Ches: No, it's my first time too.
Glam: Maybe some other time, then? Ow! I'm not sure you're putting it in right.
Ches: Well, that's how they do it in the magazine. Here, look.
Glam: Then why does it hurt so much?
Ches: I don't know. Just hold on, I'm almost done.
Bob: What was it you said? He's "different"?
Lordy: Well, at least we know they're not asleep.
Ches: There we go. Oh, so that's what's up. I think the needle just got dull. That's why it's hard to put in. Can you take one more?
Glam: Go ahead.

Ches: Oh, Mikey, what brings you to the rehearsal?
Mikey: I have my reasons.
Ches: If you're referring to last time, yeah, that sucked.
Bob: Hey, Ches, have you thought about changing your style? You're so different from us onstage.
Ches: I'm perfectly happy with the way I look, Bob. I don't care what people think. All right, it's simple, freaks. I play the first two bars alone, then the bass comes in on the third, then Glam on the seventh, and then from the 10th, we're jamming. Let's go! Lordy. Bob. A yellowed—
Girl: Ches!
Ches: Lisa, for fuck's sake! We're having a rehearsal!
Lisa: You got a phone call. It's some woman. She said your real name.
Ches: Shit. All right, guys, 5 minutes! Just 5 minutes, literally! In our room?
Bob: Oh, guess it's his dealer.

Ches: Hello, mom? Oh, Aunt Rita. Hi, hi. You didn't happen to come visit us, did you? How's my mom?
Rita: She passed away this morning.
Ches: What?
Rita: She passed away. They found her dead in her new house. Doctors said the cause of death was an overdose…
Ches: And I tell her, "You dumb, fat cunt!" This is all your fault, stupid!

Mikey: Well, I think we've waited long enough.
Glam: Wait just a little longer. He'll come back!
Lordy: He said 5 minutes, and it's been 30.
Bob: Went to take a hit, I bet.
Glam: I'll go get him!
Mikey: Glam, wait!

Glam: Oh, devil! Where are you... Oh, no. Get up! I can't believe it! You goddamn junkie! After all the talk, after all the promises, you run away again just to turn into a fucking vegetable!
Ches: I kept my promise.
Glam: What?! What promise?!
Ches: No drugs. Just whiskey.
Glam: Congratulations! Except it took me two hours to find you! The rehearsal's over! We have to leave tomorrow. I'm not gonna get you out of this shit! Goodbye.
Ches: Glam, my mom. She's gone. I thought she... I thought I'd see her again... I thought that...
Glam: Let's go. We have to tell them.
Ches: No! Don't tell them.
Glam: What do you mean, don't tell them?! Why not?
Ches: Because [unintelligible].
Glam: What a great fucking reason! Absolutely fucking genius! You know what? Your third string is always slightly loose! Also, you write one thing, but you play something entirely different! Also, you... You almost always speed up without a metronome!

Glam: Also, you're smelly and heavy.
Bob: He's here. And he's shitfaced.
Glam: I know it sounds ridiculous, but there's an explanation.
Mikey: There is? And what is it?
Glam: I can't really tell you.
Lordy: Because there isn't one!
Mikey: Look, Glam, it was all coming down to this. It's not an accident, it's a pattern.
Ches: Fuck you…
Mikey: I saw this coming a mile away...and so naturally I prepared a backup vocalist for the occasion. Leo?
Leo: Hey, Glam. The rehearsal was great. Sorry you missed it.
Glam: You dumped Ches for this?!
Bob: Sorry, but he’s the one who dumped us for you know what.
Lordy: Glam, you're gonna love him! He can hit such incredibly high notes! Pretty cool, huh?
Glam: I can't do this.
Lordy: Glam, the concert's coming up. I thought performing on the same stage as Twisted Sister was your dream, wasn't it?
Glam: It was. But not at this price.
Mikey: I told you. And of course I saw this coming too, so I hired a backup guitarist. I don't think anybody will know the difference. Glam, is that your final decision?
Glam: Yes, I'm staying.
Mikey: Let's not waste time on this. To the bus.
Bob: Glam. The keys to the Panther. We couldn't start her without Ches. And catch this too.
Glam: What's this for?!
Bob: I heard junkies get all kinds of diseases, so if you do it, you wear it, and if he does, he should wear it. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm worried about you! All right, bye. Don't be a stranger.
Leo: Wow, we're gonna ride in this?!
Bob: Now, that's what I call a vehicle!
Lordy: Awesome!

Glam: Aspirin. In your case, two pills at once. Due to circumstances, I paid for the room for another week.
Ches: And the guys?
Glam: They're gone.
Ches: And Panther?!
Glam: Bob said they couldn't start her without you.
Ches: That's my baby. What about you? Why didn't you leave?
Glam: Because of you.
Ches: And who undressed me?
Glam: Lisa.
Ches: Just undr—
Glam: Just undressed you.
Ches: Let's pack up our stuff just in case. I thought you sold it already.
Glam: No.
Ches: How about something in C major?
Glam: С major?
Ches: Yeah.
Glam: Just play it without the seventh chord.
Ches: Wait. That melody, where is it from?
Glam: Nowhere. It's just an improvisation.
Ches: That's a hell of an improvisation. We should write it down. Where is...
Glam: What for? We're nobody now.
Ches: "Nobody." Not a bad name...for a duo. Hello, Paul? Hi, it's Ches. Yeah, the one with the missing tooth. So, like, the wind has changed. Yeah, we quit the band, me and Glam. It's just the two of us now. Yeah, we got something to offer. We got a new rock direction, guitar and violin. Yeah, I've never heard anything like that before either. Where to again? Uh-huh. House no. 8. Tomorrow at 4:00. Okay, we'll be there. Don't worry, we won't be late. All right, see you there.
Glam: We're gonna need a drummer and a bassist.
Ches: Something tells me Paul's got a shitload of musicians. All right, let's get back to it. Where were we? Do we go from C to G?
Glam: Yeah, go down a quarter.

Ches: You sure you wanna go on foot? We can't be late.
Glam: It's roughly two and a half kilometers from here, which is...about 30 minutes. I'll make it.
Ches: All right, then. Okay, new strings, new picks... What else do you need?
Glam: Rosin.
Ches: Rosin. I'll write it on my hand. All right, in one hour at house no. 8, Glam.
Glam: Okay. Ah, what a beautiful day. I'll have time to grab a cup of coffee.

[Sketch in the credits:
"Don't you think one of the members doesn't quite follow the general style of the band, Glam?" "... Really? Who?"]

[End screen: "Thanks for watching! The story is far from over :)"]